Daniel the Bullet Dodger.

So, this will be a long post, but worth reading.

     9 March, 2011: Today started the same as any other day. I woke up early to get some coffee into me because yesterday had been 115km on some very tough dirt. I was a little groggy and tired, so I figured I would take the ride pretty easy. It was going to be a long ride anyway, somewhere around 160km. Anyway, after breakfast, I set off with Ruth (UK) to start the ride. It was slow going as there was a wicked headwind, but I knew it was going to be a long ride anyway. About 40km into the day, Ruth and I rolled up on 3 other riders, Peter, Christine and Kim. They stopped us in the road and said that they had seen a very aggressive man hurl a rock at Kendra, another rider. We figured we'd wait for a few more riders and cycle past as a group to avoid confrontation. Seemed like a good idea. So, as Pierre, a fellow Canadian rider rolled up on us, we explained the situation. He seemed to agree that riding in a group would be a good idea. So, we decided to pee in the woods first and then roll on. And then it hit the fan. In a big way. As the women strolled farther in the woods than the men (I was basically peeing on the road), there was a loud bang. My heart sank. I had heard that noise before. That was a gunshot. Unmistakeably a 7.62mm round. I looked back into the woods to see two men with rifles running out towards the road. Two more bangs. This was no accident. These rounds were directed at us. Thank god not aimed directly as us, but certainly in our direction. I looked into the woods to see Christine standing, with an AK47 pointed right in her face. Thankfully, she pushed the barrel aside as two more shots were fired. Then two more men appeared. So, we have a total of 4 men now, two with AK47s, two with HK G3s. The ladies then came running out of the woods followed by two of the men. More shots fired. As the confusion finally cleared into fearful understanding, I actually thought I was going to die. From where I was standing on the road, it looked to me like Christine had been shot in the face (thankfully she hadn't been).
     So, this was now a clear robbery. More cyclists had heard the shots and turned around to go and notify the staff behind us about 600m. We could actually see them standing on the top of a hill, watching at a safe distance. Many of them had heard the 12 or so shots fired and wisely stayed away. Anyway, our attackers were yelling in Swahili, which I clearly do not understand. I was trying to communicate with them, my hands held over my head. They were having none of it. The ladies were sitting on the side of the highway, which was clearly not what they wanted, so they hit Christine in temple with the barrel of one of the AKs. She fell over, now bleeding out of her head. They hit Ruth as well, who was still wearing her helmet, so no damage. I was yelling to see if everyone was ok. Then I was motioned over my the main robber, who was wearing a traditional orange skirt and headdress, but no shirt. We shall refer to him as attacker 1 (original, I know). Anyway, he wanted my Camelbak, which I gladly gave him. He motioned for the other riders to hand over their bags as well. The attackers were clearly not pros as they were incredibly shaky and waving their weapons all over the place. I was worried about a slippery finger and someone taking a stray round. I continuously motioned that we did not understand and for them to calm down and point their weapons down. So, I collected a saddle bag from Pierre and my Camelbak and handed it to attacker 1. He started sorting it on the side of the road and then ran into the woods to meet two other attackers. The two guys in the woods sorted out everyone's bags while attacker 1 came back and started searching people. I had my camera in one of my jersey pockets, which I was NOT losing (it's not mine). So, I lay down on the road on top of my camera. I figured they weren't going to do a proper search of people anyway. I kept the others calm, instructing them to lay down and just cooperate. I yelled and checked to sure Christine was ok, despite her head wound. She was fine. They took a few energy bars from Peter and gave him a sharp barrel-prod despite being cooperative. The attackers continued to yell orders in Swahili, which I tried to understand, to no avail. Anyway, they kept us on the highway for about 30 minutes. In this time, not a single car passed. No other person came near, thankfully. Attacker 1 came back and gave Christine a sharp kick in the side as she was lying face down. She must have been in shock, because she doesn't remember it, nor does she remember how many of the robbers there were. So, attacker 1 and another guy kept sorting out our gear. Anyway, they made everyone lay down and then ran off in the bushes. I told everyone to sit tight for a minute and make sure they were gone. They were. Finally. I stood up and began to tend to Christine's head wound (Ian, you would be proud). Once her head was clean, I wandered into the woods to see what I could salvage of what they took. 
     Now this is where I get confused. They didn't take a lot. They took my wallet with about $40US worth of local currency, my old crappy MP3 player (sorry Simon, you can't have that), my BIQ knife (lots of sentimental value), my sunscreen, my pens and my hand sanitizer (which I hope they drink). However, they left my headlamp, medical kit, Camelbak bladder (although they took the water) and backpack. So, once I collected everyone's stuff with the help of Peter, I headed back to the road to check on Christine. She was ok, but very shaken up. Then Megan came cycling back from ahead of us, in tears. She told us Kendra had been shot. My heart sank again. That was totally plausible now, as we had just had been fired upon wildly. So, I hoped on my bike with everyone and we headed off to see Kendra. I had heard she had kept cycling, which gave me comfort that she had not been shot. You don't get hit with a 7.62 and keep cycling. You drop dead. Anyway, we headed to see her. I had begun to give directions as to what to do when we came upon Kendra, because I wasn't sure people would be able to deal with it. However, when we came to where she was supposed to be, she was gone. Apparently a car had picked her up and taken her to the local health centre. So, we headed off to the town about 8km away to see what was up. In the end, she had not been shot. The rock that had been hurled at her had connected, cut her back so she was bleeding and broken a rib.
     So, in the end, everyone was fine. Christine has a cut on her head and Ruth is pretty shaken up, but we're all ok. Nobody got shot. And I made it out with my camera :). So, now I have to thank some people. First off: TDA staff. Their response to this incident was incredible. Our tour director got the military involved, drove all the cyclists to camp, arranged medical treatment and arranged armed escorts for everyone. It was great. We were allowed to use a satellite phone to call our families. I cannot commend them enough for what they did. It was incredibly helpful. I would also like to thank Daniel Pilliard for cycling back and telling the staff what was happening. Patrick Peeters for his relaying of information on Kendra's state.
     Now, I hate to do this, but I was pressured into it. Matt Paradine insisted I mention myself. I know I'm a cocky ass and I love myself, but this is not normally what I do. He wanted me to mention that my actions saved lives that day. Boys, mom, dad, you would have been proud of me. He said I kept the whole situation calm, cool and collected. I was somewhat helpful in treating Christine's wound, and very helpful in keeping people from getting shot. Ruth has also said that if she is ever in a crisis, she wants me to be there. So, I'm sorry for mentioning myself, but Matt is insisting. I'll add that my military training was worth every miserable second of basic training. It was very helpful in keeping my panicked ass from breaking down.
     So, in the end, everyone got out ok. Nobody lost anything really important and we carried on the next day with business as usual. Now I have an awesome story to tell everyone. Also, for anyone that ever worries about me, remember what I say: the Danimal can't die.

Until forever,
Danimal